So, the Crazy Farm is on the move. For a long time, we've wanted to move out of CA, for various reasons, and now, it's time. So many things, happening all at once. So much to do, so many decisions to make, so many things to handle, all at once...
In many ways, I wish we'd done this years ago, and yet, I know, undoubtedly, it wasn't time until now, just as I know, almost as certainly, that it IS time now. As surely as possible, I am certain that God has said "Go. It's time. Now.". And so we go. And yet...it's not possible to be 100% certain, ever, until later. Until you look in hindsight, you will never know FOR SURE that you are making the right choice, following Him in what He says, and not just guessing. So, it's scary.
And I feel a lot more sympathy for the Israelites, hearing God call them out of Egypt. "Go, God? Now? I mean...I know we're slaves...I know it's not the Promised Land...but, we have food here, and homes, and we know people! I have friends down the street, you know? And the kids friends! Well...maybe...are you SURE, God? Let me think about it..."
It's huge. Walking away from everything and everyone you know. And it's hard. And yet, He doesn't ask us to do the easy. He doesn't ask us to go where we know, where we are safe, where we are comfortable. He asks us to go where it's scary and hard and lonely, because in those places is where we learn to draw near to Him, to lean on Him, to have faith in Him. When we have nothing else, that is when we cling to Him.
God, I want that. I want to be yours, completely. I want to draw so closely to you that I breathe You, not air. So walk with me, through yet another hard thing, and be patient with my fearful heart as You remind me that you have never, will never, can never fail me, even as I fail you hourly. Make me more like you, bit by glorious, painful, terrifying bit.
Thank you, Lord, that you are patient with me, even in these hard places.